If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize