there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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