I like my sex mixed with concussions.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
