I wish I could teleport
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
