tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You took a bar mat shot.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Randomize
