A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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