I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
