If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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