some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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