Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
