He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
