Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish you could order shots online.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
