just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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