If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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