my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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