Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
