he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
