Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I've blown a few things in my day
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
