So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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