i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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