I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
