We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Panties = found
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
