I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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