Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
