"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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