and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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