she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
