Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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