She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
