I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize