Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize