In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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