i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
