I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize