i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she peed on how many people?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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