Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dear god my vagina.
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