Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
