ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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