I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
there is glitter all over my balls
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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