I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
