"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
