omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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