And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
