I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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