I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
