Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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