be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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