it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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