So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
