He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just gargled with NyQuil
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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