They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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