can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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