All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
