Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There's always time for handjobs
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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