I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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