Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
