He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
