Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize