got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
