what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
