hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
