Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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