this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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