The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
