The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
