I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
