Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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