Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
