I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
