Where is the hickey?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
