I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
