I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
