I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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