i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
