when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
